Harvest Festival Awakening

What an interesting weekend! 

Since moving to San Diego a few months ago, I have found myself in a rut.  Sleeping more than usual, not inspired to do much of anything, watching way too much TV.  (Toddlers and Tiarras?  Come on, really?)

My craft business was suffering from my lack of energy and I found myself doing things that actually were sabotaging my sales and my business relationships.  

My success with Jenny Craig soon dissipated and my aspiration to fit into my "skinny jeans" was shamefully hidden deep in my closet amongst my bag of "ass-too-big-ations".  

My husband was away...again. 

Dave (my husband of 15 years) had encouraged me to participate in the Harvest Festival Arts and Crafts show in our town.  I wasn't planning on attending because I remember past feelings that this show wasn't worth the effort/work for the L     O       N      G     3 days.  I would have sell a lot of product just to cover the high booth fee.  There are also many mind games that surface at each show:

"Why isn't anybody looking at my art?"  

"Is my booth set up well?"  

"Did I bring the right products for this show?" 

"My cheeks hurt from smiling so much."
"I could have sworn I put on deodorant this morning." 

"How can there be so many different body shapes in one room?" 

"What else can I eat today before I start yet another diet on Monday?"

The show turned out to be well worth the effort.  Not only did I bring the perfect selection of products, meet amazing people, eat just the right amount of junk food, and make lots of money, but I also made some HUGE self discoveries.  Things that made me COL.  (cry out loud.)  I haven't cried out loud for a long time.  This cleansing cry, which left me with very puffy eyes, was partially due to the massive disappointment that my 2 kids greeted me with by not doing a single thing on their list of things...but that is another post.  These emotions came from all sorts of different places.  I felt sad, enlightened, confused, and somehow inspired.  My head was heavy with thoughts, snot, and Xanax.  

It all started when I reconnected with an old vendor friend .  We somehow got into a very deep discussion about life and my business. By the end of our talk, I discovered some new things about myself.  I was excited to learn these things and yet they somehow made me extremely emotional.  

Thank God my sister, Sara, understands me so well, because that night I was able to share these new insights without any inhibitions.  I was talking in circles, crying, and laughing.  Her only interruption was when she said, 
"Don't get mad, but did you have a glass of wine tonight?"  Of course I had, and I wasn't mad. 
Sara knows that I in my life experiences I tend to "settle".  She knows all my habits and my darkest secrets.  She also knows my true potential and she never pushes me or accuses me of not working harder to meet that potential.  She loves me UNCONDITIONALLY.  (I just had to stop typing because I'm COL-ing again.)

So....

This morning I woke up and decided to try to make sense of my thoughts and feelings.  I've never kept a journal or blogged for an extended time.  I'm choosing to do this blog  so I can share this experience with my anyone who cares to listen.  It is a way for me to sort through my journey while setting some goals.  Finding humor in my situations and in myself keeps me upbeat and I like to share funny stories with people. 

Here are the themes for my upcoming blogs.  I hope you will enjoy reading them and sharing your own experiences.

• My big head
• Beds are for sleeping
• Why am I so inhibited?
• Parenting gone wrong

Peace out.
Marsha